so in my LJ reading….i found the one thing that i have always wanted to hear and im trying not to lose my cool.

-i don’t know what happened to us. i’m scared shitless to talk to you, cause i know i screwed up. i want things to be like they were all through high school, when we were always there for each other. i’m sorry i abandoned you.-

That last part is the killer.  When I was numb and practically comatose from my parents death I asked for help, which doesn’t happen often. I only saw your back. The thing I worry about and hope for at the same time strangely enough, is that if you were to talk to me I would immediately forgive.  

i don’t know if i ever truly knew who you were

parts of you seem to exist only on paper and not in reality

searching for closure in tattered pages

scattered on the floor

disjuncted sentences and thoughts

held together by the threads of memory

and paper

I see my efforts and the lack of yours

The one time I truly needed you

You were no where to be found

Why do I feel guilty?

I tried. You didn’t. I cried. You walked.

So I got an email today from livejournal which surprised me because I thought I deleted it years ago…

reading my posts and friends and remembering how my happy memories were once that way for a reason. Wow that was sappy.

Oh well, hoping to get a clue to what I missed in friendship……

Taken with instagram

My favorite rose bush ever!!!!!! (Taken with instagram)

Weeded the garden :) (Taken with instagram)

Photo Cred: Found on myopera.com through Google

I am at peace with everything, my decision

Not only this one but every one I have made

Up until this point

I get ready for the door to open

To take that step, that may be my last

Nervousness is the farthest emotion from my reality

And I am filled with the excitement and thrill of the experience

This is the last thing I saw

As I jumped

Soy Chai Frap Deliciousness :) (Taken with instagram)